Communication and similar interests are elementary my dear Watson!

All the relationship experts will tell you that communication and similar interest are  essential to a healthy relationship. This is a very common train of thought and i couldn’t agree more.

From personal experience, I can attest to the fact that being able to talk openly with your partner is important. If you can’t talk to them about your wants, needs, desires, thoughts, plans, etc. then you aren’t really able to be yourself with them. You aren’t giving yourself fully to the other person and that’s not fair to either one of you in the relationship. Ultimately, this relationship will fail because of the lack of communication. It’s happened to me. I wasn’t able to be myself fully around the other person. I couldn’t tell them everything and  felt like they were hiding things from me.  A friend of mine, Liz*, has a similar experience.

Liz* has been in a long-term relationship with her boyfriend. They have been going out almost three years. They love each other deeply and it’s very obvious, but I am constantly hearing that she feels there are certain things she can’t tell him because she is afraid of hurting his feelings or him not wanting to talk it through. This is a lack of communication, or rather a lack of “good” communication because they don’t talk about everything. There are certain subjects that they just don’t talk about. They do talk about the future and their wants and needs and desires,

except when it comes to being intimate. I’m not saying this relationship is necessarily going to fail. In truth it’ll probably last despite the lack of “good”communication but that is only out of fear of the unknown and how things can be different and so much better if they just communicated better.

Another thing that will help Liz* and her boyfriend stay strong in spite of the lack of “good” communication is the fact that they do enjoy spending time together and pursuing similar interests such as movies, museums, and picnics. I think this is just as important as good communication in a relationship. It’s important to be able to share you likes and interests with your significant other. This doesn’t mean that  you have to like all of the same things as the other person but it’s good to have at least a few of the same interests. Daniela F. and her boyfriend Brian H. can attest to this.

“It’s really important to me that he likes doing winter sports like skating and skiing or snowboarding,” said Daniela F. “It makes it so much easier  to enjoy each other’s company when we both like what we are doing.”

Daniela F. and Brian H. take time to stretch together before hitting the slopes for some time together sharing similar interests.

These two lovebirds are always out skating the canal or hitting the slopes. It makes for another kind of intimacy that doesn’t include a bed. This kind of intimacy is emotional and provides a connection with the other person. To be able to  laugh and take pleasure in spending time with the other person outside of the bedroom is another form of communication that is essential in a relationship. If you aren’t enjoying the activity you are doing with the other person, even if they are enjoying it, then you will ultimately feel resentful because you aren’t enjoying yourself, and thus you aren’t enjoying the company of the other person. This is why having at least a few similar interest where both people can enjoy the activity and each other’s company is essential to any healthy relationship.

If you are in a relationship that is lacking in communication, intimacy and similar interest, perhaps it is time to reconsider  the relationship as a whole. Maybe you are better off friends. Maybe you are better off not seeing other after all is said and done. But you live, you love, and you learn from every experience and hopefully future relationships will be better for it.

*Name has been change to protect identity.

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